To Not Know...

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

I told you awhile back about my Mom's pregnancy. Two weeks ago, when she was six weeks along, she was able to get an ultrasound! We were all so nervous, we had never heard a heart beat before. This time, we did! Mom went in and got a test at the doctor's, all of the levels were perfect. We all thought that this time, after six miscarriages, the baby would make it. We would finally have a baby on the 9th of December 2011!

Today she went in for another ultrasound. We all expected it to be great, why wouldn't we, God is our father. We trusted that he would give us the baby this time, this time we would watch it grow. Mom walked back and opened the door, she immediately burst into tears and announced that the baby had died. My first response was, "What?" I couldn't believe it. I could not accept that this baby had died along with the others, that now there were eight of my siblings in heaven.

Our whole family was devastated. We sat on the couch and cried. Kevin said that we should pray, so we did. During it all I kept on thinking, "Why did this happen? Lord God, why can't we know? Can't you tell us why you have let this happen again?" Through it all I kept on remembering that God's ways are above our ways. As Kevin prayed "Lord, you even let your own son die." I realized how true it was. We cannot understand while we are on Earth. We may never know why God let all of our babies die so early on, we may never know on Earth at least.

As I sat I also thought about how when we reach heaven, the wait will be over. We will see all eight of them, waiting for us, and assuring us that they had prayed for us the whole time. When we get to heaven, it will be made clear, we will know why God decided to let all of the Granger babies go to him before they came to us. His ways are so above our own! I cannot fathom a reason for the suffering that we have endured, time and time again. But God can, he knows why he lets certain sufferings fall upon certain people. Even though we do not know, even though we suffer from that lack of understanding, it is good to know that He knows. It is a consolation to know that God has it all in his hands.

While we prayed the song "Beloved" came to mind. I will share it with you, it is a beautiful song that has blessed me before. In the line "It's a mystery" I find so much consolation. Here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CUGTIWCFyo For some reason I cannot attach it to my post :P but you can copy and paste the link if you want. That's the only video to the song that I found... I hope that it can bless you all as well.

Peace and love in Christ,
Alyse